Constantly being pressured by friends to date them.. they want a girl they can have a future with. I’m not looking for that. I can’t have a guy that’ll be forcing me into anything. I made that mistake with my ex. It was a beautiful experience don’t get me wrong. But overall I was pushed into things I was uncomfortable with.
Luckily this man ain’t pushing me. I dig what we got going on. It’s simple and exhilarating. Little fun when he’s around with no stress of are we going to go further? This is exactly what my heart, soul, and sanity need.
"You know what rock and roll means, right? It means rock and roll in the sack. It means sex: the lyrics, the beat of it, the thunderous feeling through your body. Before the word groupie even existed I knew that I wanted to share myself with someone who created that music and turned me on in every kind of way." - Pamela Des Barres
Grace Slick’s white fringed dress that she wore at Woodstock in 1969. Grace chose the dress in anticipation of a hot August weekend in New York. However, the weather turned out to be wetter than expected, so in order to preserve her outfit until her performance onstage, Grace avoided the rain and mud by secluding herself indoors.
Ever since the beginning of that adventure with my ex, I knew it was trouble. I knew it would be a wonderful life changing experience, but I also knew I wouldn’t be spending eternity with him. I got swept up in the moment a few times. We were in love. That’s what you’re supposed to do. I blindly ignored his hatred for music I adore. Thought, oh he’ll warm up to them… No. He tried one band.. Couldn’t do it. He bitched about them. I’m not one to argue, and I’ve never been able to get through to him when explaining something dear to me that isn’t dear to him.
So I gave up. I could never win. I should have ended it all those times. But I’m not ending a relationship over something the guy would see as a small thing. Music is big for me. It’s my life. Nirvana blasting on my fathers speakers growing up.. Those Seattle & island stations would always smother the speakers in their tunes. Kurt was a troubled soul, a beautiful troubled soul like many of us from Washington. We understand one another. My ex.. he.. no. We were never on the same page. He always wanted me to explain things to him, but he would never understand. He thought I hadn’t a clue what I was talking about. I know exactly what I’m talking about. But I’m not much of a talker. I express myself through physical ways such as art. For some reason I couldn’t express myself well around him. Our energies were never in tune with one another.
Bought a Nirvana tank once and showed it to him thinking he’d dig it. He was instantly disgusted and told me to never wear it. That I should return it. WHAT THE FUCK…. EXCUSE ME? He doesn’t like Cobain because he abused drugs and was a mess. Wow. So quick to judge! Shit. He basically disapproved of anyone who went through tough struggles of depression. Well. He was apart of putting me into a depression.
Thanks to him, I know if I am to be with another man… we must be on a psychic connection. We must appreciate the art of music in all of its forms and how it has been created. The beautiful process of creating art from your soul. I’m a bit terrified that I may have a man as such in my grasp. Well it’s not exactly terrifying.. I’m scared out of my mind because I don’t want to lose him. I live in constant fear a much prettier girl will come along and scoop him up. Someone who’ll have a stronger connection than I to him. I don’t know if I’m his, or if he’s mine. I mean.. I enjoy this mysterious game, but my mind wonders..